Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Love, Everyone

Today is my third wedding anniversary.

But actually, I'm remembering seven years, two months, and three days ago...when I thought I knew something about love, and then in three weeks love exploded all around me, and I thought I knew everything about love.

I thought we were the center of a circling love universe, that we had invented the stuff, that the whole universe had been working up to this point to further our love story...

Ok, maybe everyone feels a little like that when they first fall in love.

And of course six months later, we had our first big fight, and that beautiful love universe seemed to be tumbling down all around me...only to reveal the real one behind it, beautiful, complex, and infinitely more grand than the small one we'd been existing in.

So we took our love for a spin, and while it took some decent hits along the way, it was strong, and neither of us would let go.

And nearly three years later, we were sitting on a park bench on Governor's Island, watching our city from a distance, and he set a little black velvet box on my lap, and got down on one knee.  And I cried like a baby, unable to speak.  It took me a few minutes to even get out, "Yes!"

About nine and a half months after that, after some of the most fun and exciting times of my life (Tasting wedding cake!!!  Looking at flowers!!!  TRYING ON WEDDING GOWNS!!!!!!!!) and also some of the most nerve-wracking and stressful times of my life (one aleve, one glass of Chardonnay, and hold the judgement, please and thank you.) I stepped into the church I grew up in, and looked down the aisle at my future, surrounded by the smiling faces of those who loved us.

We said, 'forever.'

And NOW after three years of THAT, maybe I know just a little something about love.

It is a miracle, a gift the universe hands you maybe once, maybe hundreds of times, but once its in your hands you have to decide what you will do with it.  Sometimes letting it go is the best thing you can do.  And sometimes you have to hang on.

It's not automatic, and it's not always easy.  Sometimes it's really hard, but if keep trying, keep caring, the urge will always be there, to give a little more, listen a little more patiently.

There are times you live in a constant state of thankfulness that could easily pass for grace...and the more you can stretch those out the better!

That may be all I know about love for now...I'll get back to you in another forty-seven years...but the joke's on me, because not only are those things that apply to love in general, and not just romantic couplesy love, but those are things that, on some level, we all know already.

Learning how to love no matter how others treat you, instead of madly pursuing someone to love you, is probably the closest thing to a single Meaning of Life there is.  So maybe that's why marriage is sacred, why so many of us so desperately want to be in a monogamous, permanent relationship: not because we need that to be happy (because we don't), but because those types of relationships are like Universal Love Bootcamp.  Living with someone is a recipe for developing homicidal tendencies toward that person.  Fact.  If we can choose love, again and again, and learn all over agin every day how to appreciate this person, less than ideal characteristics and all, then we may just stand a snowball's chance in hell of learning how to love the rest of the planet, too.

And that's what will make us happy.

Live Omily,

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