Thursday, June 10, 2010

Setting my Intention

Woo, so, among the whirlwind of events that has been my life as of late, I've started doing work study (karma yoga) at a studio in Williamsburg. It's a really nice studio. I'm a fan of the style of the classes, the over all atmosphere of the place, the various and varying workshops that are offered, the hypnotic fragrance of lemongrass and lavender forever in the air, the lovely people I've met there, and the size of the operation (compared to Yoga to the People: very small!). All of these factors have made my work study a three hours a week that I very much look forward to. What I find most relevant to myself as a yogini and teacher, more even than the chance to help maintain a space and interact with students, is the study this has been in that often puzzling and usually frustrating Hindu concept:

You're entitled to your work. You are not entitled to the results of your work.

It would be a lie to say that I wouldn't be thrilled to get a chance to teach at this studio. It would be a lie to say that fond daydreams of that possibility played absolutely no role in my taking part in the work study program, though continuing to practice at this studio without draining additional funds from our budget was the prime motivator, the chance to help out at a place I had a lot of respect for being a close second.

I don't have a problem admitting that, and I don't think it's a problematic thought pattern, but the minute I let teaching at this studio become the goal of my work study, I've just sucked all the joy right out of it. It's possible that eventually I'll get a chance to audition at this studio, since the owner does have a chance to see my dedication to my practice and the space, and my interactions with students, but it's also hugely possible that the owner wants to stick with graduates from this studio's teacher trainer program, or teachers with more experience, or people with prenatal yoga training, or any number of things. If work study is only a means to an end, the odds are pretty good I'll wind up feeling disappointed, bitter, even used.

Whose fault would that be? There was nothing in the work study ad about any possibility for the position to lead to a job opportunity. I would have made a huge assumption, and I would pay the price for it.

I'm entitled to my three hours a week. I'm entitled to enjoying the fragrance while I mix up the mat spray. I'm entitled to sit outside for a bit and pet the resident cats if there's nothing at the moment that needs done. I'm entitled to meet new people who may become friends, business connections, both, or neither. I'm entitled to the soothing and zen-like occupation of sweeping the studio floor. That's good enough for me.

Live Omily,
~em

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